Review- Guardians Of The Galaxy

Guardians Of The Galaxy (Marvel Studios, 2014)

So I finally got around to seeing this film. I avoid movie theatres like the plague anymore, the result of idiot humans who feel that it is their god-given right to text during movies. Plus the fact that this movie looked dumb didn't help. Then the home video release happened in December, and I walked by it a few times when I was out and about. My friend offered to loan me his copy, and the price was right so I watched it, and you know what? It sucked.

It didn't totally suck, but a lot of it did. Let's start with the forced focal point of the story, the mixtape from Starlord's mother. What significance did it have to the story? I mean, couldn't she have given him, say, a packet of magic beans instead? Not one scene would have been different. The whole Walkman and playing bad music during scenes that made no sense to the story was just plain dumb and detracted from my overall enjoyment every time that it happened. Plus there's no way that a blank cassette would last 20 or so years with constant use, never mind the fact that I highly doubt that they sell AA batteries to power the Walkman in outer space.

Next is the cast of characters, which is of course lame. As someone who bought Rocket Raccoon #1 off of the spinner rack at 7-11 in February of 1985, you would think that I would be ecstatic to see the character make it to the big time. I wasn't, because he was never a very good character, which is why he could only headline a four issue mini-series until now. Groot is a relic of the Atlas era of monster titles who became a punchline a decade or so ago. Gamora, Starlord, and Drax The Destroyer are all C or D-listers.

The dialogue is occasionally clever but is often groan-inducing and bad. The CGI and action sequences are decent, but let's face it, that's the norm these days. The after scene credit featuring Howard the Duck (highlight to read) that got everyone all worked up left me cold, mostly because I am uninterested in what was arguably the first speculator title.

This movie beat box office expectations both here and abroad and is a success by all counts. It didn't seem appealing to me when they announced it and it doesn't appeal to me now. Kudos to Marvel for getting these losers to the big screen while DC sits there spinning their wheels.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 0.75 out of 5. 

Review- The Amazing Spider-Man 2

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Columbia-Sony/ Marvel, 2014)

The movies will never be as good as the comics. For everything that this movie gets right there are ten things that it gets wrong. The 30 year old actors portraying recent high school graduates Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy (Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone) do an okay job even if the script misses the mark of that era of the character. Peter Parker did not meet Gwen until college in the comic books, so this point has always bothered me.

Spoilers abound, so proceed with caution...

Some aspects of the character ring true in this big screen translation, others fall short. I enjoyed the redesigned (again) costume, this one being very close to the comic book version. I did not enjoy the emo-hipster version of Harry Osborn, although he did look very “Goblinesque” once he took the serum. Electro...sigh. The character was wrong on all counts. Initial fan reaction online was that they got the character wrong because they cast a black man, Jamie Foxx, in the role. Believe you me, getting the character's ethnicity wrong will be the least of your concerns once you see this film. The origin, the powers, and the character's disposition prior to gaining his powers are all so wrong that it outshines everything else. If your biggest problem with Electro is that they cast Foxx in the role, I have news for you: They could have cast someone who was the spitting image of Ditko's Max Dillon and it still would have sucked just as bad.

 The whole Richard and Mary Parker backstory was so wrong that I could feel the stabbing pain behind my eyes any time that they were on screen. How hard is it to write a story and not have everything be so interconnected to Oscorp?

The pacing and tone of the movie are fine and entertaining until the end. Once Electro is defeated, we get Green Goblin II and a half-assed, emotionally bereft interpretation of the legendary Amazing Spider-Man #121. That's right, MEGA SPOILER!!! TURN BACK NOW!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!! Gwen Stacy gets killed by the Green Goblin. You even get to hear the crack that no one in comics will admit to putting in the original issue. Conway blames Thomas who blames Sitek who blames Romita...it's the Grassy Knoll of comic book murders.

As if this second climax is not enough, we get a third, with the Rhino making the scene. They show the Vulture wings and Doctor Octopus' arms, so the Sinister Six is being telegraphed from a mile away. There is supposedly a movie in the works for them, too. Cripes. I went to a 12:15 PM showing on opening day and the theatre wasn't even ¼ full. We are reaching the saturation point for superhero movies, methinks. The average person is getting tired of all of these films, and there are not enough nerds like me to keep this genre afloat. I could be wrong. This movie will probably do good business both here and abroad, but there was no energy and enthusiasm in the room like there has been on past opening days. This is the fifth Spider-Man movie in 12 years, so that might have something to do with it as well.

 As for a post credits scene, there sort of is one. A lame preview for the forthcoming bastardization of the Claremont/Byrne classic, X-Men: Days Of Future Past.

All in all what we have is a middle of the road superhero film that no one will ever look back on fondly. This movie is especially disappointing coming out on the heels of the brilliant Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Sony, would you please just give the rights back to Marvel and Disney so that the world can get the Spider-Man movie it deserves?

Junk Food For Thought rating: 3 out of 5.

I made the herculean effort of seeing this film back to back with The Quiet Ones. I spent five hours at the theatre. On the plus side I was able to realize a better value for my time and money by using my refills on my pop and popcorn rather than buying a second one as well as saving time not driving to the theatre twice. Binge moviegoing might be how I do business in the future.

Review- Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (Marvel Studios, 2014)

Holy crow. This might just beat out The Avengers as the most satisfying comic book movie adaptation ever made. Normally my eye twitches with a sharp stabbing pain behind it as I watch these films, battling to retain control of myself. I almost always want to stand up and shout at the screen Wrong! Wrong! How can you idiots greenlight this crap! Does no one on staff actually read comic books? So on and so forth. My only gripes with this movie are the Chevrolet product placement and one or two edits. Seriously, that's all that I have! This movie fricking rocks.

I have been using this product. It has helped my writing tremendously. 

Seeing several scenes from the comics come to life on the screen was incredible. Scenes such as the Batroc boat hijacking from the Roger Stern and John Byrne run and countless scenes from the Ed Bruabker run. Things that once lived only in my imagination brought to life.

Everything is perfect. On the action scale this is an “amps to 11” affair. If you have not yet seen this film, then you may want to exit this review right now, because I am going to be fairly liberal with the SPOILERS from here on out. Cap fights Batroc The Leaper! Arnim Zola lives! Stephen Strange (a/k/a Doctor Strange) is mentioned! Sharon Carter, Agent 13 is revealed! Hydra! Fucking Hydra!!! Cut off one head and two more shall take its place! The Winter Soldier is done to perfection! The Falcon is awesome! Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch are in the first of the two post-credits scenes! Christ, what more could anybody want out of one film? Dissing this movie because it has too much action is like not liking a song because it rocks too much or not linking an orgasm because it lasts too long. There is something really, really wrong with you if this movie doesn't rock your socks off.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 5 out of 5.

Review- THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN (Columbia, 2012)

Har! There be some mild spoilers ahead, me hearties!

This film's crimes against continuity are so numerous that I don't know where to begin, so I won't spend a whole lot of time listing them. Suffice it so say, Peter Parker didn't know Gwen Stacy until his Freshman year of college (or Mary Jane for that matter either, civilians). Peter's mom and dad weren't Oscorp employees, they were spies or robots or something. (It depends on which ret-con you rule out.) Peter Parker never, ever unmasked as much in the first 350 issues of Amazing Spider-Man as he did in this film. What is the point in having a secret identity if you remove your mask every chance that you get? This film relies heavily on the Ultimate universe's continuity, and even gets that wrong. I am not sure what the answer is, though. Can a movie adhere strictly to a 50 year old comic book? The answer is apparently no. Look at how outdated his camera looked. It looked like the one in the old comics, but that camera is severely outdated. A teenage kid would use his iPhone or Droid.

So was there anything that I did enjoy about this movie? Oh, plenty. As a movie it was slick, seamless, and extremely enjoyable. I simply cannot unplug my continuity-sense when I watch these comic book adaptations. I have been a Spider-Man fan my entire life, so I admittedly take the character way too seriously. The battle scenes with the Lizard were, well, amazing. They were spectacularly choreographed, and were like a comic book page come to life. Just stunning. The actress who played Gwen Stacy was believable in appearance, right down to the knee boots, but her character was a bit out of sync with her four colored counterpart. Denis Leary as Captain Stacy? No thanks. He's not old enough to properly play the character, ditto Sally Field as Aunt May. They are fine actors, but not right for these roles. Andrew Garfield was a much better Peter Parker than Tobey McGuire ever was. They really dropped the ball not casting Topher Grace as Peter Parker the first time around. (He was in the running for the role for the 2002 film.) The guy who played Dr. Curt Connors (a/k/a the Lizard) was all wrong, albeit likable, in the role.

I enjoyed this more than any of the other three films, especially the horrid third one. I enjoyed seeing the lab-coat on the Lizard, even for a moment. I was glad to see mechanical web-shooters used. His Spider-Sense wasn't really displayed outside of the subway scene, and even then wasn't really pronounced. The aging Norman Osborn subplot will certainly be addressed in a sequel, undoubtedly resulting in him becoming the Green Goblin. Let's just hope that they don't f**k it up this time.

I still don't get why they felt the need to do a total reboot, when they could have simply ignored the previous films. Everyone gets the gist of how Spider-Man got his powers by now, so that felt a little tiresome.

So what is my verdict? I liked it...a lot. Was it perfect? No. Avengers good? No. Was it a Spider-Man movie that I can live with, and look forward to seeing sequels to? Oh yeah.

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Review- The Avengers (movie, 2012)

The Avengers (Marvel Studios/ Paramount, 2012)

They did it. They actually pulled it off. The Marvel Studios films have all been excellent, but this one actually raises the bar. Substantially. I will get my comic book fan venting out of the way prior to gushing non-stop about the film's awesomeness. Some of the characterizations are off from the source material, especially Hawkeye. The costumes are different for Hawkeye and the Black Widow. Who wouldn't have wanted to see the Black Widow in her leather catsuit? Major disappointment there. I am over Nick Fury being black. Not because I have anything against black people, but because he was white in the comic books. Samuel L. Jackson did good in this one, though. The origin and many of the events don't match the source material, but then again, how could they? That is never going to happen. You cannot condense 50+ years of continuity into 150 minutes.

These interconnected films have been one of the largest gambles that Marvel has ever attempted, and they pulled it off fabulously. There are going to S P O I L E R S from here on out.

Chris Evans has completely won me over as Captain America. I was skeptical when they first cast him in the role for Cap's movie, but I'll be damned if he wasn't a highlight here. I especially loved the line when he was skydiving out of the plane and the S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent warns him to sit this one out because Thor and Loki are gods. “There's only one God, ma'am, and I don't think he dresses like that.” That would be the Joss Whedon touch. We should retitle it the Midas Touch, because after this film and Cabin in the Woods, he can pretty much write his own ticket. Cap using a machine gun...yeah, he was in World War II. I don't know. I've heard the arguments on both sides, but I prefer my heroes to not kill.

Robert Downey, Jr. as Iron Man was genius as usual. I loved the 1978 Black Sabbath T-shirt that he wore, and pointed out the gag to my wife afterward. Get it? Black Sabbath? The song Iron Man? The scene where and he offered Loki a drink was another classic. Loki- “Are you trying to bargain with me?” As Tony Stark, out of his armor- “No, I'm threatening you.”

Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk/Bruce Banner was genius. He is the third actor to play the role of Dr. Banner, and he was great. Make that fourth. How could I forget Billy Bixby and Lou Ferrigno's TV Hulk? Shame on me. We finally got to see the Hulk smash. I mean really, really smash! The scene where he pulps Loki was great. Loki is in one of his monologues, and the Hulk just grabbed him and beat him down. I was laughing hysterically. Again, Whedon's touch.

Thor, Black Widow, Loki...all were great. Hawkeye...I have never been a Hawkeye fan in the comics, but he is tolerable here. His character acts nothing like the source material here. He was not hot headed, disobeying orders and somehow not getting killed. He was the point man here. I just can't get over the fact that a guy with a bow and arrows takes on Earth shaking threats. It is among the least believable aspects of the comic books.

I hope that Agent Coulson was a Life Model Decoy. It would be a shame to see such a great character killed off in the films. There are many things being set up for the sequels here. Avengers Tower. There are two scenes at the end of the credits. One has Thanos. Fucking Thanos!!! We already have the Cosmic Cube. Can we possibly have the Infinity Gauntlet for the sequel? Jesus Chrysler!

I am almost afraid to see another comic book movie, because this was so incredible that it will be nigh impossible to measure up to this film's greatness. Not only is The Avengers the best comic book movie ever made, but one of the greatest films ever made, period. It's got to be up there with Star Wars and The Wizard of Oz.

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Review- Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (Columbia, 2012)

You just know that a movie is going to suck when you have a half dozen production companies slap their stupid logos in the beginning of the opening credits. I have yet to see a good movie that starts out like this. With my expectations already set low, this film shatters the bar on the suck-scale, surpassing The Spirit and even G.I. Joe as the worst comic book movie ever made. Even 2007's mildly enjoyable Ghost Rider is head and shoulders above this film.

It's hard for me to nail what made this movie suck harder, so I will list the suckiness in no particular order. I will start with the editing and production. Horrible, herky jerky, out of focus, overly bright computer treated camera work is the order of the day here. I think that they do this so that no one will notice how bad the dialogue and story are. I still have an attention span since I never watched MTV growing up or played video games in the last 20 years, so I loathe this aspect of modern film making. I concede to the fact that they make and market these comic book films to the lowest common denominator with all of the explosions and stuff, but this can still be employed tastefully. The stop and drag, super sped up editing is equally annoying.

Nicolas Cage is a terrible actor, and is not a good Johnny Blaze. He behaves nothing like the character in any of the Ghost Rider comic books that I've read, at least. A comic book adaptation film should have a character that at least resembles the source material. Iron Man is the gold standard for all comic book movies to beat. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is the booby prize.

I am glad that my wife got the times wrong and that we saw it in 2D. While disappointed at first, within 5 minutes I was glad that we didn't pay the extra $3.00 each for this turd. I was so put off by this movie that I wanted to leave. I even got up and got a popcorn refill during it. When I got back several minutes later, I don't believe that I missed anything. Indeed, it didn't detract from my enjoyment.

Gary Friedrich has been involved in litigation with Marvel/Disney over ownership of the character, which has made headlines recently. If I were Gary Friedrich, I would sue Marvel to keep my name off of this movie.

If you dislike someone, tell them to go and see this movie. Tell them awesome it is, especially in 3D. This is the best form of revenge that you can legally have.

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Reviews: Top Cow First Look Vol. 1; The Waste Land; Captain America- The First Avenger

TOP COW FIRST LOOK VOL. 1 (Top Cow/ Image, July 2010; Softcover)

Collects Black Vault No. 1, Echoes No. 1, Genius No. 1, Last Mortal No. 1, Mysterious Ways No. 1 and Sunset No. 1

This is one of those $4.99 sampler trade paperbacks that I am such a sucker for. The main difference between this and the Vertigo samplers is that these were all as-yet-unreleased new titles. This is a great idea, as it sucked me in to two of the series for sure when the inevitable collected editions surface. Sunset by Christos Gage (writer), Jorge Lucas (artist) and Felix Serrano (colorist) is really good. It's the tried (or is it tired?) and true scenario of the old guard rising up for one last gasp, and I'm hooked. Echoes promises to be one fucked up read, and I can't wait to read more of it. Genius seems interesting but I won't be going any farther along. This book offers a tremendous entertainment value for a measly $5.00.

THE WASTE LAND (Perennial Library, 1990; Softcover)

Original Graphic Novel

I got this cheap in the graphic novel section of a local used book store, and let me tell you, it was still overpriced. For some strange reason the interior black and white artwork looked decent when I flipped through it in the bookstore. Art can be clever or it can be smart. When it is clever, it is creative and intelligent in a way that can speak to everybody, but intelligent folks can get a little more out of it. When it's smart, it usually when the writer or artist tries too hard to impress folks with his/her knowledge on a subject. The latter is always a chore to experience, and never enjoyable. The Waste Land is the latter.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Score another home run for Marvel Studios. While filled with continuity errors when compared to the source material, this worked extremely well as a movie. I had doubts when they cast Cap at first. The dude who played the Human Torch in those mediocre Fantastic Four movies? Really? It turns out he was believable as ol' Cap. That Agent Smith guy was superb as the Red Skull. I only wish that the Nazis sounded more German, like in the Golden Age Captain America Comics. They talk with lots of Vills and Unds, and I like my Nazis to talk like that. This flick was great overall. Action sequences, CGI, the Easter eggs...everything was wonderful. This has been a great year for the Marvel movies, and The Avengers looks awesome. Oh, and stay until after the credits.

Review- X-Men: First Class

 X-Men: First Class (20th Century Fox, 2011)

All right, I'll admit it. I winced when I first saw the production stills for this movie. My God, could they do any more damage to my beloved X-Men? Then I saw the trailer, and my fears began to subside. Finally, the day of release was upon us...and I didn't go. I missed an opening day for a comic book movie, which for me is unheard of. I did go and see it on day 2, and here is my verdict:

This is the best film of the X-Men film franchise, hands down. While it's crimes against continuity are too numerous to list, it was an insanely enjoyable popcorn flick. In all honesty, much of their movie continuity makes more sense than what occurred in the comic books. Kevin Bacon is splendid as Sebastian Shaw*, even if they didn't get the character quite right in comparison to his four-color counterpart. All of the actors played their respective parts well, and the film has a warmth and sense of fun missing from the first four films.

There are some mild, mostly non-spoilers below, so if you haven't seen the film and don't want anything revealed, please leave this page and return after you've seen it.  The choice of characters used in this movie was curious. First, the villains: Magneto. Sebastian Shaw (the Black King in comics). Emma Frost (the White Queen in comics). The "Azazel" character...was this supposed to be Nightcrawler's father from The Draco arc in Uncanny X-Men many years ago? I am guessing that the dude with the vortexes was supposed to be Riptide. If so, he was never named. The "Angel" character looked like Pixie but had some other power. Now for the X-Men: Professor X. Moira MacTaggert, who was portrayed as an American? Ach! The Beast (with a nice nod to his solo stint in Amazing Adventures in the early '70s). Darwin, who was only introduced in the last few years and whose inclusion was pointless. Havok. Mystique (I'll leave my negativity about her on the team out...let's just say I disapprove). Banshee.

I love the Hellfire Club angle in the movie, as their introduction in the pages of The Uncanny X-Men by Chris Claremont and John Byrne are among the high points in the history of the medium. Again, I prefer the comic book version, but the idea of a cabal of wealthy mutants using their money and power to try and rule the world really hits a sweet spot with me. The sheer decadence of their club was portrayed well here, too. All in all, this was an exceptionally well done film with plenty of humor, heart, and oomph for your buck. I'd say that it was nearly as good as Thor and Iron Man. So why are you still hear reading this when you should be in line waiting to buy a ticket? Go!

*Sebastian Shaw was one of the names that I tried selling my wife on for my son, and again for my second child until I find out that it was a girl. If my second child were to be a boy, I did get her to agree on Charles Xavier Shaw. Believe it or not.

Review: Thor movie; Plastic Man Archives Vol. 1

Thor

NO SPOILERS AHEAD!

I am not a huge Thor fan. I have read maybe two dozen Thor comics in my life for his own title, but if you count his stint(s) in The Avengers, then I have read hundreds. I know enough about the character and his history to know if things "feel right", and in this movie, they do.

Thor is, hands down, the greatest comic book movie ever made. I normally have OCD flare-ups watching these films, such as: 

NO, that's not how it happened in the comic books. 

NO, ____ would never say or do that. 

I can feel the back of my eye twitch, etc. 

None of these things happened here. It's not 100% faithful to the original run, far from it. I'd say that the spirit was maintained, and it felt right.

I saw it in IMAX 3-D, and it was worth every single penny. I have been to cheaper Rock concerts, but this was totally worth it. The CGI is awesome, everything looks fantastic, the guy who played Loki even has teeth that look right. I frickin' loved this movie and can't wait to see it again. And again. It was that good.

I normally can gripe about lots of things in movies, especially comic book movies, but all's I've got is this: Product placement from 7-11 and Acura. That's it.

There is a scene at the end of the credits, but I'm not going to tell you what it is. Suffice it to say, I had a nerdgasm. The bar has been raised to a new high. X-Men First Class, Green Lantern, and Captain America movies...you better bring the goods or I will tear you to shreds in comparison to this masterwork.
10 out of 10

THE PLASTIC MAN ARCHIVES VOL. 1 (DC, 1998; Hardcover)

Collects the Plastic Man stories from Police Comics Nos. 1-20 (cover dates August, 1941- June, 1943)

The story of Jack Cole, creator of Plastic Man, is every bit as interesting as the character itself. (Google it and see for yourself.)  While among the most popular characters from the Golden Age of Comics, Plastic Man has not aged as well as, say, Batman or Superman. Cole's artwork has a cartoony feel to it, but it works for this series. I love Golden Age comic books, but I am not going to buy all of these Archives. I have the second one in queue and am already into it, and that'll be it. I don't have the time, money, or space to gobble up 6 more hardcovers.

The stories are simple and charming, a quaint snapshot of this bygone era. Once supporting character Woozy Winks is introduced, things change for the worse. He's unnecessary and does not provide the comic relief that was intended.

The restoration is a tad crude by today's standards but is mostly excellent. The paper has nice, creamy off-white color to it that I like a lot. Nice paper weight and texture, sewn binding,  all of the production values that make my OCD alarms turn green.