Review- Dragonslayer #1 and 2

Dragonslayer #1 and 2 (Marvel, cover dates October- November, 1981)

Writer: Denny O'Neil

Artists: Marie Severin and John Tartaglione

Like the movie, these comic books are an unremarkable footnote that few people remember. It's odd, considering that Disney and Industrial Light and Magic (George Lucas' special effects company) were involved. I remember it though, because in the summer of 1981, while visiting my aunt one day, she gave my sister and I each 50 cents to buy something at Lawson's. Lawson's is a long defunct convenience store chain that could be found throughout Michigan and Ohio, later becoming Dairy Mart and then Circle K. Today they have a radically reduced presence here in the Detroit area. There was a Lawson's a few blocks from her house, back in the days when it was okay to let an 8 year old kid roam around unsupervised.

This was the architectural style of the Lawson's store that I went to, although this picture looks like it is from the 1960s. I could not find any pictures of the actual location nor of the company logo circa 1981. Fun fact: Lawson's Frozen Coke mix was superior to the 7-11 Slurpee of the day.  

I picked #1 off of the spinner rack because the cover was awesome. Conventional wisdom says not to judge a book by its cover. In comic books the cover is the hook. All of those comics on that spinner rack with my having money enough for only one. Yes, the cover was the most important part of the comic circa 1981.

The story itself isn't very original, a retread of so many concepts that it would take some time to ascertain exactly what was lifted from where. There is a lot of Lord Of The Rings and Star Wars at play here. Dungeons And Dragons was also popular, and popular culture of the day such as Heavy Metal reflected this trend.

What is notable about this two issue limited series are the creators involved. Denny O'Neil deftly handles the adaptation, driving the point home and condensing 90 minutes of story across 44 pages of story. Marie Severin is an industry legend with a career that spanned decades. Both have been involved in some of the finest comic books ever made, and I got a real kick out of seeing them on this. 8 year old me enjoyed this comic but didn't have a clue who they were.

This was originally released as Marvel Super Special #20, which was a magazine size title printed on superior paper stock and subsequently split across two standard comic books (reviewed here) before being reissued as a full color paperback. The paperback-sized book split the panels across 157 pages of story. I used to own it but the binding on the copy I had was failing and I got rid of it. You can get copies of that book on eBay for cheap, or you can get the single issues out of .50 or dollar boxes like I did with these two issues.

I still have my original copy of #1 from 1981 but it is missing the back cover and is held together with Scotch tape. I read it so many times as an 8 year old kid that it fell apart. And I never got to read #2 until I was an adult. I did see the movie on cable years ago and it was okay. Unremarkable and honestly a bit boring.

Rereading these comic books was a pleasant way to spend an evening. If you want to read this title I can almost guarantee that they are waiting in a dollar box near you.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 3.5 out of 5.

The OCD zone- There is no OCD zone on original single issues.

Review- Guardians Of The Galaxy

Guardians Of The Galaxy (Marvel Studios, 2014)

So I finally got around to seeing this film. I avoid movie theatres like the plague anymore, the result of idiot humans who feel that it is their god-given right to text during movies. Plus the fact that this movie looked dumb didn't help. Then the home video release happened in December, and I walked by it a few times when I was out and about. My friend offered to loan me his copy, and the price was right so I watched it, and you know what? It sucked.

It didn't totally suck, but a lot of it did. Let's start with the forced focal point of the story, the mixtape from Starlord's mother. What significance did it have to the story? I mean, couldn't she have given him, say, a packet of magic beans instead? Not one scene would have been different. The whole Walkman and playing bad music during scenes that made no sense to the story was just plain dumb and detracted from my overall enjoyment every time that it happened. Plus there's no way that a blank cassette would last 20 or so years with constant use, never mind the fact that I highly doubt that they sell AA batteries to power the Walkman in outer space.

Next is the cast of characters, which is of course lame. As someone who bought Rocket Raccoon #1 off of the spinner rack at 7-11 in February of 1985, you would think that I would be ecstatic to see the character make it to the big time. I wasn't, because he was never a very good character, which is why he could only headline a four issue mini-series until now. Groot is a relic of the Atlas era of monster titles who became a punchline a decade or so ago. Gamora, Starlord, and Drax The Destroyer are all C or D-listers.

The dialogue is occasionally clever but is often groan-inducing and bad. The CGI and action sequences are decent, but let's face it, that's the norm these days. The after scene credit featuring Howard the Duck (highlight to read) that got everyone all worked up left me cold, mostly because I am uninterested in what was arguably the first speculator title.

This movie beat box office expectations both here and abroad and is a success by all counts. It didn't seem appealing to me when they announced it and it doesn't appeal to me now. Kudos to Marvel for getting these losers to the big screen while DC sits there spinning their wheels.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 0.75 out of 5. 

Review- Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes

Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes (20^th Century Fox, 2014)

The sequel to the re-reboot of my beloved Planet Of The Apes works, and works well. Ten years have passed since 2011's Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. Humanity is huddled into San Francisco, with the Apes having built an entire civilization in the forest across the Golden Gate bridge. The problem is that the humans are running out of fuel and are in need of a power source. The hydroelectric dam could fulfill all of their needs. The only hang up with their plan is that they would have to go through the woods that the Apes call home to get there.

From there it is a series of backstabbing and mistrust from both sides that results in a war. This reinterpretation of Conquest of The Planet Of The Apes is, dare I say it, every bit as good as that classic film.

The battle between Caesar and Kopa was a CGI work of art, really amazing stuff. The next film will hopefully be a much, much better version of Battle For The Planet Of The Apes. There is a sort of post credit scene, which is actually a post credit sound effect that tips folks off about something, but I won't tell you. I don't do that sort of thing, as people who blurt out spoilers are the worst kind of asshole. Well, second worst. Folks that text during movies are the lowest form of life.

I saw it in 3D, which, aside from the words which popped out during the credits, was so subtle that you didn't even notice it. See it in 2D, humans.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 4.5 out of 5. 

Review- The Amazing Spider-Man 2

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Columbia-Sony/ Marvel, 2014)

The movies will never be as good as the comics. For everything that this movie gets right there are ten things that it gets wrong. The 30 year old actors portraying recent high school graduates Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy (Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone) do an okay job even if the script misses the mark of that era of the character. Peter Parker did not meet Gwen until college in the comic books, so this point has always bothered me.

Spoilers abound, so proceed with caution...

Some aspects of the character ring true in this big screen translation, others fall short. I enjoyed the redesigned (again) costume, this one being very close to the comic book version. I did not enjoy the emo-hipster version of Harry Osborn, although he did look very “Goblinesque” once he took the serum. Electro...sigh. The character was wrong on all counts. Initial fan reaction online was that they got the character wrong because they cast a black man, Jamie Foxx, in the role. Believe you me, getting the character's ethnicity wrong will be the least of your concerns once you see this film. The origin, the powers, and the character's disposition prior to gaining his powers are all so wrong that it outshines everything else. If your biggest problem with Electro is that they cast Foxx in the role, I have news for you: They could have cast someone who was the spitting image of Ditko's Max Dillon and it still would have sucked just as bad.

 The whole Richard and Mary Parker backstory was so wrong that I could feel the stabbing pain behind my eyes any time that they were on screen. How hard is it to write a story and not have everything be so interconnected to Oscorp?

The pacing and tone of the movie are fine and entertaining until the end. Once Electro is defeated, we get Green Goblin II and a half-assed, emotionally bereft interpretation of the legendary Amazing Spider-Man #121. That's right, MEGA SPOILER!!! TURN BACK NOW!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!! Gwen Stacy gets killed by the Green Goblin. You even get to hear the crack that no one in comics will admit to putting in the original issue. Conway blames Thomas who blames Sitek who blames Romita...it's the Grassy Knoll of comic book murders.

As if this second climax is not enough, we get a third, with the Rhino making the scene. They show the Vulture wings and Doctor Octopus' arms, so the Sinister Six is being telegraphed from a mile away. There is supposedly a movie in the works for them, too. Cripes. I went to a 12:15 PM showing on opening day and the theatre wasn't even ¼ full. We are reaching the saturation point for superhero movies, methinks. The average person is getting tired of all of these films, and there are not enough nerds like me to keep this genre afloat. I could be wrong. This movie will probably do good business both here and abroad, but there was no energy and enthusiasm in the room like there has been on past opening days. This is the fifth Spider-Man movie in 12 years, so that might have something to do with it as well.

 As for a post credits scene, there sort of is one. A lame preview for the forthcoming bastardization of the Claremont/Byrne classic, X-Men: Days Of Future Past.

All in all what we have is a middle of the road superhero film that no one will ever look back on fondly. This movie is especially disappointing coming out on the heels of the brilliant Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Sony, would you please just give the rights back to Marvel and Disney so that the world can get the Spider-Man movie it deserves?

Junk Food For Thought rating: 3 out of 5.

I made the herculean effort of seeing this film back to back with The Quiet Ones. I spent five hours at the theatre. On the plus side I was able to realize a better value for my time and money by using my refills on my pop and popcorn rather than buying a second one as well as saving time not driving to the theatre twice. Binge moviegoing might be how I do business in the future.

Review- Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (Marvel Studios, 2014)

Holy crow. This might just beat out The Avengers as the most satisfying comic book movie adaptation ever made. Normally my eye twitches with a sharp stabbing pain behind it as I watch these films, battling to retain control of myself. I almost always want to stand up and shout at the screen Wrong! Wrong! How can you idiots greenlight this crap! Does no one on staff actually read comic books? So on and so forth. My only gripes with this movie are the Chevrolet product placement and one or two edits. Seriously, that's all that I have! This movie fricking rocks.

I have been using this product. It has helped my writing tremendously. 

Seeing several scenes from the comics come to life on the screen was incredible. Scenes such as the Batroc boat hijacking from the Roger Stern and John Byrne run and countless scenes from the Ed Bruabker run. Things that once lived only in my imagination brought to life.

Everything is perfect. On the action scale this is an “amps to 11” affair. If you have not yet seen this film, then you may want to exit this review right now, because I am going to be fairly liberal with the SPOILERS from here on out. Cap fights Batroc The Leaper! Arnim Zola lives! Stephen Strange (a/k/a Doctor Strange) is mentioned! Sharon Carter, Agent 13 is revealed! Hydra! Fucking Hydra!!! Cut off one head and two more shall take its place! The Winter Soldier is done to perfection! The Falcon is awesome! Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch are in the first of the two post-credits scenes! Christ, what more could anybody want out of one film? Dissing this movie because it has too much action is like not liking a song because it rocks too much or not linking an orgasm because it lasts too long. There is something really, really wrong with you if this movie doesn't rock your socks off.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 5 out of 5.

Reviews- Monsters University and Despicable Me 2

Monsters University (Disney/Pixar, 2013)

So we were at the in-laws on the 4^th of July, and my mother-in-law was recovering from her recent surgery. A houseful of 5 kids wasn't conducive to rest, so we went to see this. Aside from snippets I've caught while my kids were watching it at home, I have not seen the first movie. We did go on the ride at Disneyworld (or was it Disney Hollywood Studios?), so there is that, too. I liked this well enough, I guess. I would have never went and seen it if not for my kids, as the premise doesn't appeal to me. The CGI is perfect, almost disturbingly so. It's sad when the fake looks more realistic than the real.

The story is as predictable as any of these kids' movies, with things telegraphed a mile away. That is fine, as this movie was made for my 6 and 3 year old, not me. I'll never understand why they pay big bucks to have celebrities voice these movies. Kids don't care who did what voice, and I certainly don't care, either. Just give me a bag of popcorn.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 3 out of 5. 

Despicable Me 2 (Universal, 2013)

Another sequel that I saw in the theatre but I did not see the original. I think my wife or my father-in-law took my son to see the first one at the show. I don't know. I just know that I never saw it. I did go on the ride at Universal Studios on our vacation last month.

My wife had to work on Friday, July 5, so that left me home alone with two kids. I looked outside and saw rain, so I went for the low hanging fruit: a movie. The kids wanted to see this anyways, bugging me for weeks. The reach of marketing to children never ceases to amaze me. They know all of the release dates for these movies.

Two different people texted during the movie, once each. Texting during movies should be a felony. I will admit that I would have rather been surfing the Internet rather than watching the movie, but I will not ruin anyone else's experience at the theatre by pulling out my phone. Humans suck.

Like Monsters University, I had no interest in this movie. Unlike that film, there were aspects of this movie that I found to be highly enjoyable, Gru dressing as the Fairy Princess at his daughter's birthday party being up there. The CGI is well done. Things are telegraphed from a mile away and I had the end figured out within the first act...whatever. This was not made for me, it was made for my kids. Just give me a bag of popcorn and keep my kids quiet for a while.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 4 out of 5.

So I saw two movies in a 48 hour period, neither of which were on my list. I wanted to see The Lone Ranger, for chrissakes! Not this weekend, but hopefully soon...

And as usual, I saw these films in 2D. Fight the power!

Review- MORBIUS THE LIVING VAMPIRE #2 (2013) and ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH

Morbius The Living Vampire #2 (Marvel, cover date April, 2013)

Writer: Joe Keatinge

Artist: Richard Elson

It's been seven agonizingly long weeks, and the second issue has finally hit the stands. The players are all in place, and things continue to build. We have Dr. Michael Morbius, the star of the show. Wanda Evans and her son Henry, Henry's babysitter Becky, and Noah St. Germain, the crime lord of Brownsville. Brownsville is a depressed, forgotten section of the city not unlike Detroit. 

Henry has fallen in with his uncle, St. Germain. Morbius meets Becky, and in a it's-a-small-world-after-all scene finds out that she is Henry's babysitter. Morbius goes with the family to retrieve Henry and things go sour. A throwdown between St. Germain and Morbius occurs, and Morbius, not having fed for days...well, that would be telling. 

The story moves a bit slow but is well written and well drawn so it makes things easier to swallow. This will probably read better in a collected edition when you have 5-7 issues in a row served up. Joe Keatinge has made Morbius seem the most human out of the entire cast. Morbius doesn't know exactly what to do, but he knows that he wants to do the right thing. Richard Elson's artwork and Antonio Fabela's color art are both spit-shined to perfection. This is a slick, seamless read, and it will be four long weeks until issue 3 is released. I'll be waiting with bated breath...

Junk Food For Thought rating: 4 out of 5.

The OCD zone- I stand corrected about my review for issue 1, where I bitched about two of the 22 story pages being solid black with a line of dialogue. As it turns out, Marvel Comics offer 20 pages of story instead of 22. I guess I haven't been paying attention or counting pages with my current Marvel Comics. My bad. For those who say hey, where are the other two pages!?! Comic book page counts have fluctuated over the years, from 22-23 per issue to as low as 17 during the '70s. The economy, advertising revenue, and creator workload are all factors. In other words...relax, folks.

I still dislike self covers at $2.99, but would probably dislike real covers and a $3.99 price point even more.

Escape From Planet Earth (Rainmaker, 2013)

My hatchlings have been bugging me to take them to see this for weeks, and with Winter Break upon us I agreed to take them to see it this afternoon in 2D. I am completely over 3D. My son is 6 and my daughter is 3, and they loved it. I thought that it was formulaic, contrived, and insipid. There was not one scene where I laughed or really even enjoyed. I didn't hate this movie, it just left me cold. There's nothing objectionable for parents to concern themselves with except for the horrid product placement for 7-11. Product placement sucks ass. I have been decrying it since it first reared it's ugly head back in the '90s. 7-11 should give me a Slurpee just for seeing this lameass film. Oh well, I'm not the target audience for this turd, just the guy who buys the tickets and concessions. You could do worse than this movie, but you could also certainly do much, much, much better.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 1.5 out of 5.

Review- TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D

Texas Chainsaw 3D (Lionsgate, 2013)

The seventh film in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre series disregards all of the rest except for the original 1974 film. There will be a good amount of SPOILERS here, so proceed with caution. This film starts out with a montage of the events of the original movie during the opening credits (in 3-D). After the events in the original, the girl who escaped gets dropped off at the police station. The movie begins with the local police calling for Jed (Leatherface) to give himself up. The family has relatives who came out with guns and are all holed up inside the house. The sheriff has called for back-up and was trying to keep the situation from escalating when out of the blue a band of good ol' boys show up and decide to give the family a what-for style of justice. A Molotov cocktail is thrown, shots are pumped into the house, and the place burns down. All of the cars are authentic to the era, circa 1973. This is important later on.

As the night comes down the fire burns itself out. While they are going through the ashes looking for bodies, one of the vigilantes stumbles upon a survivor, a 27 year old woman with an infant child, hiding in the area where the family stored the cars (seen in the original). He kicks her head in, takes the baby and gives it to his wife who was waiting in their truck.

Fast forward to the present. A girl and her boyfriend are interrupted during foreplay when a FedEx envelope arrives informing her that her grandmother died and that she has inherited her estate. She confronts her parents who inform that yes, she is “adopted” and warn her not to go looking into her family history. Of course she ignores this, and her and her boyfriend and two other friends get into an older model (maybe '90s) Volkswagon van, in a nod to the original. There are many nods to the original throughout, and it is apparent that the filmmakers are all fans of the original film. Like the original, they almost hit a hitchhiker who they give a ride with them to the house. They meet the lawyer who gives the girl the keys to the place and a letter from her grandma which he urges her to read. Of course she doesn't read it.

I'll skip ahead several parts. The head of the vigilante mob is now the mayor, and the deputy in the beginning is now the sheriff. The typical flimsy scenarios unfold. People act illogically and start getting killed. As it turns out, the girl is cousins with Leatherface. When Jed goes on a rampage from the basement of his grandmother's estate where he has lived since 1973 (when the original film's story took place), she is part of his prey. Kids get killed and of course she escapes, making it to the police station. The sheriff and the mayor are arguing about how to handle this, apparently completely aware that this homicidal maniac has resided in this town the entire time but apparently not lifting a finger to do anything about it because they swept the entire vigilante mob justice thing under the rug, keeping it a dirty town secret. My suspension of disbelief is slipping...

The sheriff just happens to leave the evidence box on this case in the room with her, unattended, while arguing with the mayor about how to handle this. She goes through the files and the sheriff kept all of his original reports, which she read. The sheriff also apparently kept the newspaper of the event in with the official police file. She seems to snap at the knowledge that they murdered her family...who were murderers themselves. I am officially lost at this point, my suspension of disbelief broken by the mediocre writing.

The stupidity continues when the sheriff and mayor allow a lone cop to enter the house. Oh, but he's okay, because he can do video chat with them with his phone. He has his gun in one hand, and his smart phone in the other, showing them the horrors he discovers as he follows the trail of blood into the basement. I'll give you one guess what happens next.

The girl is on the run. She calls the lawyer who handled the estate, and he meets her at a bar and tells her everything. As the mayor and his buddy from the original gang try to catch her at this bar, she cuts his face with his knife, which supposedly shows how insane she is or will be or whatever. The deputy catches the girl. It turns out that the deputy is the mayor's son. Oh! Didn't see that one coming. The mayor wants to take her to the old abandoned yet remarkably clean meat packing plant so that he can end her line once and for all. In one of the few scenes that makes sense in this act, the sheriff is calling out to other officers over the radio that they are taking the girl to the meat packing plant. He wants to put a stop to it. Jed/ Leatherface just happened to be pushing the car into the corral at the time and overheard this and grabbed a chainsaw and headed there himself. See, this part actually makes sense. So they tie the girl up and are going to kill her, only Jed finds the girl first and sees the S brand, the family crest which they had on a necklace, on her breast and realizes that she is his cousin so he frees her. Commence groaning.

This is where this movie completely circles down the drain. Leatherface frees her and kills the mayor while the sheriff just stands there with his gun drawn, allowing this to happen out of some stupid sense of guilt over the events 40 years ago. Stupid. She refers to Jed as “cous” and they both go back to the house together to live. Completely, totally stupid. You want to know what sucks even harder? The girl was an infant in 1973. So was I. I'll be 40 in July. She didn't look a day past 22-23. Leatherface would be a 60 year old man by now, at least. The sheriff and mayor should have been retired. None of this makes any sense! This movie didn't take place in the past. The cars and cell phones and everything were all modern. This is just stupid, nonsensical storytelling. Oh, and there's a scene at the end of the credits which also completely sucks.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 1 out of 5.

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Review- DREDD

Dredd (Lionsgate, 2012)

Forget the 1995 Judge Dredd movie with Sylvester Stallone and Rob Schneider in it. Lord knows that I've spent the last 17 years trying to do just that. Instead, walk in with no expectations and bag of popcorn and enjoy the ultra-violent mayhem on the screen. I have only read a handful of Judge Dredd comics, and none since the '80s, so my knowledge of the character is extremely limited.

I saw this in 3D. I am so over 3D, especially the extra $3 that they charge you per ticket. They won't even let you reuse your glasses. Even if you bring them back, they make you pay this “technology surcharge”. There was a limited 2D release, but it was only one showing after 9PM. I went to the 10:15 AM showing today with my brother, and it was empty. We rented out the entire theatre for the price of our two tickets. Winning!

This movie is apparently a box office bomb here in the States, and that's a shame. It's not a bad movie; in fact, I found it to be a highly enjoyable, action packed flick without a moment to catch your breath. The 3D was used to maximum effect, with bullets and blood flying every which way. It would be almost impossible to calculate a body count as Judge Dredd passes judgment on the criminals of Megacity One.

I have no idea how this ranks in comparison with the comic books. A quick check revealed that The Complete Case Files trade paperbacks compile the entire series in a series of 19 books. The problem is that many of them are out of print. You'd think that they would have reprinted Volume 1 to coincide with the film's release. Sheesh. You'd also think that they would've used the classic Anthrax song I Am The Law in the film's credits. I'd wager that Anthrax introduced Dredd to most American fans circa 1987, and with Joey Belladonna back in the band these days it would have made a nice, full circle.

If you are a comic book movie fan, an action film fan, or a fan of the Dredd-inspired fare like Robocop, then you should give Dredd a looksee. You won't be sorry.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 4 out of 5. 

I recently relocated my Fortress of Solitude, and it took an entire Uhaul cargo van to move my collection. The back row has a couple of empty boxes and blankets for buffering, but the rest of it is my beloved collection.

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Review- THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN (Columbia, 2012)

Har! There be some mild spoilers ahead, me hearties!

This film's crimes against continuity are so numerous that I don't know where to begin, so I won't spend a whole lot of time listing them. Suffice it so say, Peter Parker didn't know Gwen Stacy until his Freshman year of college (or Mary Jane for that matter either, civilians). Peter's mom and dad weren't Oscorp employees, they were spies or robots or something. (It depends on which ret-con you rule out.) Peter Parker never, ever unmasked as much in the first 350 issues of Amazing Spider-Man as he did in this film. What is the point in having a secret identity if you remove your mask every chance that you get? This film relies heavily on the Ultimate universe's continuity, and even gets that wrong. I am not sure what the answer is, though. Can a movie adhere strictly to a 50 year old comic book? The answer is apparently no. Look at how outdated his camera looked. It looked like the one in the old comics, but that camera is severely outdated. A teenage kid would use his iPhone or Droid.

So was there anything that I did enjoy about this movie? Oh, plenty. As a movie it was slick, seamless, and extremely enjoyable. I simply cannot unplug my continuity-sense when I watch these comic book adaptations. I have been a Spider-Man fan my entire life, so I admittedly take the character way too seriously. The battle scenes with the Lizard were, well, amazing. They were spectacularly choreographed, and were like a comic book page come to life. Just stunning. The actress who played Gwen Stacy was believable in appearance, right down to the knee boots, but her character was a bit out of sync with her four colored counterpart. Denis Leary as Captain Stacy? No thanks. He's not old enough to properly play the character, ditto Sally Field as Aunt May. They are fine actors, but not right for these roles. Andrew Garfield was a much better Peter Parker than Tobey McGuire ever was. They really dropped the ball not casting Topher Grace as Peter Parker the first time around. (He was in the running for the role for the 2002 film.) The guy who played Dr. Curt Connors (a/k/a the Lizard) was all wrong, albeit likable, in the role.

I enjoyed this more than any of the other three films, especially the horrid third one. I enjoyed seeing the lab-coat on the Lizard, even for a moment. I was glad to see mechanical web-shooters used. His Spider-Sense wasn't really displayed outside of the subway scene, and even then wasn't really pronounced. The aging Norman Osborn subplot will certainly be addressed in a sequel, undoubtedly resulting in him becoming the Green Goblin. Let's just hope that they don't f**k it up this time.

I still don't get why they felt the need to do a total reboot, when they could have simply ignored the previous films. Everyone gets the gist of how Spider-Man got his powers by now, so that felt a little tiresome.

So what is my verdict? I liked it...a lot. Was it perfect? No. Avengers good? No. Was it a Spider-Man movie that I can live with, and look forward to seeing sequels to? Oh yeah.

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Review- The Avengers (movie, 2012)

The Avengers (Marvel Studios/ Paramount, 2012)

They did it. They actually pulled it off. The Marvel Studios films have all been excellent, but this one actually raises the bar. Substantially. I will get my comic book fan venting out of the way prior to gushing non-stop about the film's awesomeness. Some of the characterizations are off from the source material, especially Hawkeye. The costumes are different for Hawkeye and the Black Widow. Who wouldn't have wanted to see the Black Widow in her leather catsuit? Major disappointment there. I am over Nick Fury being black. Not because I have anything against black people, but because he was white in the comic books. Samuel L. Jackson did good in this one, though. The origin and many of the events don't match the source material, but then again, how could they? That is never going to happen. You cannot condense 50+ years of continuity into 150 minutes.

These interconnected films have been one of the largest gambles that Marvel has ever attempted, and they pulled it off fabulously. There are going to S P O I L E R S from here on out.

Chris Evans has completely won me over as Captain America. I was skeptical when they first cast him in the role for Cap's movie, but I'll be damned if he wasn't a highlight here. I especially loved the line when he was skydiving out of the plane and the S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent warns him to sit this one out because Thor and Loki are gods. “There's only one God, ma'am, and I don't think he dresses like that.” That would be the Joss Whedon touch. We should retitle it the Midas Touch, because after this film and Cabin in the Woods, he can pretty much write his own ticket. Cap using a machine gun...yeah, he was in World War II. I don't know. I've heard the arguments on both sides, but I prefer my heroes to not kill.

Robert Downey, Jr. as Iron Man was genius as usual. I loved the 1978 Black Sabbath T-shirt that he wore, and pointed out the gag to my wife afterward. Get it? Black Sabbath? The song Iron Man? The scene where and he offered Loki a drink was another classic. Loki- “Are you trying to bargain with me?” As Tony Stark, out of his armor- “No, I'm threatening you.”

Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk/Bruce Banner was genius. He is the third actor to play the role of Dr. Banner, and he was great. Make that fourth. How could I forget Billy Bixby and Lou Ferrigno's TV Hulk? Shame on me. We finally got to see the Hulk smash. I mean really, really smash! The scene where he pulps Loki was great. Loki is in one of his monologues, and the Hulk just grabbed him and beat him down. I was laughing hysterically. Again, Whedon's touch.

Thor, Black Widow, Loki...all were great. Hawkeye...I have never been a Hawkeye fan in the comics, but he is tolerable here. His character acts nothing like the source material here. He was not hot headed, disobeying orders and somehow not getting killed. He was the point man here. I just can't get over the fact that a guy with a bow and arrows takes on Earth shaking threats. It is among the least believable aspects of the comic books.

I hope that Agent Coulson was a Life Model Decoy. It would be a shame to see such a great character killed off in the films. There are many things being set up for the sequels here. Avengers Tower. There are two scenes at the end of the credits. One has Thanos. Fucking Thanos!!! We already have the Cosmic Cube. Can we possibly have the Infinity Gauntlet for the sequel? Jesus Chrysler!

I am almost afraid to see another comic book movie, because this was so incredible that it will be nigh impossible to measure up to this film's greatness. Not only is The Avengers the best comic book movie ever made, but one of the greatest films ever made, period. It's got to be up there with Star Wars and The Wizard of Oz.

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Review- Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (Columbia, 2012)

You just know that a movie is going to suck when you have a half dozen production companies slap their stupid logos in the beginning of the opening credits. I have yet to see a good movie that starts out like this. With my expectations already set low, this film shatters the bar on the suck-scale, surpassing The Spirit and even G.I. Joe as the worst comic book movie ever made. Even 2007's mildly enjoyable Ghost Rider is head and shoulders above this film.

It's hard for me to nail what made this movie suck harder, so I will list the suckiness in no particular order. I will start with the editing and production. Horrible, herky jerky, out of focus, overly bright computer treated camera work is the order of the day here. I think that they do this so that no one will notice how bad the dialogue and story are. I still have an attention span since I never watched MTV growing up or played video games in the last 20 years, so I loathe this aspect of modern film making. I concede to the fact that they make and market these comic book films to the lowest common denominator with all of the explosions and stuff, but this can still be employed tastefully. The stop and drag, super sped up editing is equally annoying.

Nicolas Cage is a terrible actor, and is not a good Johnny Blaze. He behaves nothing like the character in any of the Ghost Rider comic books that I've read, at least. A comic book adaptation film should have a character that at least resembles the source material. Iron Man is the gold standard for all comic book movies to beat. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is the booby prize.

I am glad that my wife got the times wrong and that we saw it in 2D. While disappointed at first, within 5 minutes I was glad that we didn't pay the extra $3.00 each for this turd. I was so put off by this movie that I wanted to leave. I even got up and got a popcorn refill during it. When I got back several minutes later, I don't believe that I missed anything. Indeed, it didn't detract from my enjoyment.

Gary Friedrich has been involved in litigation with Marvel/Disney over ownership of the character, which has made headlines recently. If I were Gary Friedrich, I would sue Marvel to keep my name off of this movie.

If you dislike someone, tell them to go and see this movie. Tell them awesome it is, especially in 3D. This is the best form of revenge that you can legally have.

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