Review- NEW AVENGERS VOL. 1: EVERYTHING DIES

NEW AVENGERS VOL. 1: EVERYTHING DIES (Marvel, 2013; Hardcover)

Collects New Avengers (Vol. 3) Nos. 1-6 (cover dates March- July, 2013)

Writer: Jonathan Hickman

Artists: Steve Epting with Rick Magyar

Colorist: Frank D'Armata

This is the second relaunch of the New Avengers, making this the New New New Avengers. Cripes. The roster of this team is roughly the same as the New Avengers: Illuminati mini-series. We have Mister Fantastic, Doctor Strange, Black Bolt, Namor The Sub-Mariner, Iron Man, the Black Panther, and Captain America. At least, Captain America was a member until he wasn't.

There are plenty of talking head moments here, but at least they are necessary in order to convey the story information and not just filling out pages with bad “witty” dialogue. Hickman's writing is good for the most part. He uses the movie version of Tony Stark, which seems to be the way that his personality will be portrayed in the comic books from here on out. I do have some issues with the heroes not acting completely heroic, including what they do to Captain America, but this is, all in all, a satisfying read. 

The team is dealing with something called the Incursion, where multiple Earths from the Multiverse are colliding into one another as the result of a tiny contraction in the Multiverse timeline. There is a chain reaction, with Earth crashing into Earth as our heroes are scrambling to find a way to stop it. The Infinity Gauntlet rears it's ugly head (or glove as the case may be), and I can't help but suspect that this whole thing will be spun off into the upcoming Infinity mini-series and crossover event.

The cover of this book by “Jock”, which was originally used for issue 1, is a complete joke. Not only is it ugly, but the way that everyone is posed makes them look like a lame '90s Alternative band, all standing around looking in different directions, pretending not to be interested that there is a camera there when in reality they thought long and hard about how to look “cool”. Not much curb appeal. If I weren't an Avengers completist I wouldn't be the least bit inclined to pick it up based on the cover art. Thankfully the interior art is done by the always brilliant Steve Epting. I can't imagine why the existing cover was chosen for the final product.

Why is the Beast wearing goggles that make him look like Hellboy?

That gripe aside, I enjoyed this and am looking forward to Vol. 2 of the New New New Avengers.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 4 out of 5.

The OCD zone- Good god, talk about moving backwards. Marvel is now using chapter break pages in these Marvel Now! Premiere Hardcovers and moving the covers to a gallery in the back of the book. It's sick and it is wrong. It goes against the very laws of nature. Stop the madness, before it's too late! Won't somebody please think of the children?

DVD-style Extras included in this book: The following variant covers are featured in the cover gallery in the back of the book.

#1 Variant by Skottie Young

#1 Variant by Steve Epting

#2 Sketch Variant by J. Scott Campbell

#2 Variant by J. Scott Campbell & Nei Ruffano

#2 Variant by Simone Biachi & Simone Peruzzi

#4 Variant by Stepahnie Roux

#3 Variant Pencils by Dale Keown

#3 Variant by Dale Keown & Morry Hollowell

#6 Variant by Joe Quinones & Matthew Wilson

Paper rating: 3 out of 5. The glossy coated stock paper is a bit on the thin side. The warping is ridiculous. The printer seriously needs to let those green trees cure a bit before turning them into paper. These shriveled, semi-warped books are getting old. My books are stored in a 100% climate controlled environment, so this is unacceptable. It also happened with the DC Before Watchmen hardcovers which were printed at the same time by the same printer, R.R. Donnelley, Inc. The Chinese made hardcovers do not have this problem.

Binding rating: 4 out of 5. Glued binding. That free digital download code card glued into the casing needs to be done away with. It makes reading the last issue of these books a pain in the butt. These hardcovers are shrinkwrapped, so why not just throw the card in and seal the book?

Hardback cover coating rating: 4.5 out of 5. The coating on the dustjacket-free hardback is remarkably durable. It has a dull matte finish and I thought that it would be easily scuffed. I am happy to be wrong.

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Review- AVENGERS BY BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS VOL. 5

AVENGERS BY BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS VOL. 5 (Marvel, 2013; Hardcover)

Collects Avengers Nos. 31-34, Avengers Annual No. 1, and New Avengers Annual No. 1 (cover dates November, 2011- January, 2013)

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis

Artists: Gabriele Dell'Otto, Brandon Peterson, Mike Mayhew, Terry Dodson, Rachel Dodson, and “jamming” by Mike Deodato, Walter Simonson, and others

This is it. What I've waited for eight long years for...the end of Bendis' run on the title, and here it is! There are two arcs collected in this book, the first being the two Annuals. Wonder Man has lost his mind and is blaming all of the world's problems on The Avengers. He ends up assembling a team and doing damage to the city, ultimately battling the Avengers to a standstill.

In the second arc, we see Wonder Man trying to make nice with the team, but they aren't having any of it, and for good reason. Mild spoilers ahead. Bendis fixed Doctor Strange and the Vision, and now has one more broken toy to fix before he leaves the sandbox for good: the Wasp, who was seemingly killed at the end of Secret Invasion. It turns out that she shrunk down and something went wrong, sending her to the Microverse, home of the Micronauts. While we don't get to see any of them because of rights issues, it is very cool to see this referenced nonehteless. Why on Earth doesn't Marvel use that Disney money to bulldoze the rights holders so that we can get some Micronauts Masterworks? Come on! 

Lord Gouzar, ruler of whichever planet in the Microverse that the Wasp was stranded on, looks a lot like a hybrid of different Micronauts toys and is totally badass. So the Wasp's beacon is received, and four Avengers, conveniently three founding members (Thor, Giant-Man (who was Ant-Man when the team was founded) and Iron Man) and another early adopter, Captain America (whom so many people erroneously consider a founding member even though he didn't appear until issue 4) go to investigate the source of this signal. Lots of cool battles happen, and Lord Gouzar even comes back to Earth with them for the “comic jam” portion of the final issue. End spoilers.

Bendis did good on this book, worlds better than the final New Avengers hardcover. So that's it, everything is right and well with the world and the characters are no worse for the wear, right? Right? Oh. I welcome the new creative teams on all 50 Avengers titles that have just been launched under the Marvel Now banner. I just can't believe that we can have Wolverine on 12 teams but no one can use It! The Living Colossus on any of them. Sheesh.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 3.75 out of 5.

The OCD zone- The cost of these Premiere Hardcovers keep ticking upward while they keep getting thinner. Bad combination.

The covers for issues 31-34 are all shrunk down to show you the complete image, since all four covers form one image. Also, the variants are included, but the final four issues are presented as one giant block of story with no covers inserted as chapter markers. Stop the madness! Covers should be placed before the issue as Godzilla intended. Anything else is unnatural, evil, and must be destroyed.

Paper rating: 3.75 out of 5. The paper used in these Premiere Hardcovers keeps getting thinner and thinner...just like my hairline.

Binding rating: 4 out of 5. Glued binding. It's a thin book, so don't get your panties in a bunch, folks.

There is terrible gutter loss throughout the book, as the double page spreads are sucked right down the middle. This is another huge step backwards, as Marvel used to re-size these double page spreads so that this wouldn't happen. I guess that we are expected to upgrade to the inevitable Omnibus so that this can be rectified. I do not upgrade Bendis. Sorry. It's bad enough that my completist OCD has compelled me to buy this title during his run even though I disliked much of it.

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Review- NEW AVENGERS BY BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS VOL. 5

NEW AVENGERS BY BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS VOL. 5 (Marvel, 2013; Hardcover)

Collects New Avengers Nos. 31-34 (cover dates December, 2012- January, 2013)

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis

Artists: Michael Gaydos (31), Carlos Pacheo (32), Michael Avon Oeming (33), Mike Deodato (34), and assorted inkers and “jam artists” for issue 34

Brian Michael Bendis has, without question, made The Avengers the stars of the Marvel Universe during his tenure as writer. He has written or co-conspired every Marvel event during the past 8 years. Bendis has written some of the top-selling books during that era. I'll give credit where credit is due. I'll even go as far as to say that many of his story ideas are creative and clever. It's his snarky, everyone's-a-comedian dialogue that has driven me batshit crazy over the years. His super-decompressed storytelling style also pisses me off. You can't make that claim about his stuff over the last year or two, but prior to that you could fly through his books. He tends to put more story in each issue nowadays. 

Artwork by Michael Avon Oeming. Not my cup of tea.

In issue 31 we see the Son of Satan conversing with a demon posing as Victoria Hand. A spirit* who is, of course, snarky. As is the Son of Satan. I recall all of those Bronze Age Horror comics filled with snark, don't you? No, me neither. Issue 31 also contains a double-page spread of the breakfast table conversation and 3 pointless pages of Doctor Strange and Iron Fist conversing while trying to meditate. That Bendis is so witty!

(*SPOILER Brother Voodoo END SPOILER*)

Wow! A double page spread of a breakfast table conversation. 

Issue 33 has cheesy, extremely cartoony artwork by Michael Avon Oeming. Art is subjective, so I'm sure that someone somewhere loves this guy's work. That someone is not me. Issue 34 sort of wraps things up, with Doctor Strange once again assuming the mantle of Sorcerer Supreme and the New Avengers breaking up. The “comic jam” sequence, where artists jump in for a page or so and then pass it off baton style, is interesting. Some of these artists are really good, each with their own interpretation of the characters. That segment was pretty interesting visually. The worst part of this series finale is a repeat of the back-patting that Bendis gave himself in one of the Avengers books at the end of Secret Invasion, where they reminisce about all of the things that they did. The worse part about this particular double-page spread is that they show one of those breakfast table conversations! Come on! One of the worst aspects of Bendis' run, shown here in all of its “glory” for posterity. 

Bendis' greatest hits. Note the breakfast table conversation on the right hand page.

Much like fans of the Detroit Lions, I have never lost faith in “my” team, The Avengers, even after eight. long. years. of losing under coach Bendis. I've weathered this storm and lived to tell the tale. There were a few good moments along the way. I'll admit that I've liked a few of his arcs. Bendis would make a better editor/plotter/line coordinator than he does a writer. I'm sure that many people will miss Bendis and yearn for these “good old days”. I will not be one of them. I welcome all of the new creative teams on all 50 Avengers titles.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 2 out of 5.

The OCD zone- The cost of these Premiere Hardcovers keep ticking upward while they keep getting thinner.

Paper rating: 3.75 out of 5. The paper used in these Premiere Hardcovers keeps getting thinner and thinner...just like my hairline.

Binding rating: 4 out of 5. Glued binding. It's a thin book, so don't get your panties in a bunch, folks.

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Review- NEW AVENGERS VOL. 4: A VS. X

NEW AVENGERS VOL. 4: A VS. X (Marvel, 2012; Hardcover)

Collects New Avengers Nos. 24-30 (cover dates June- November, 2012)

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis

Artist: Mike Deodato

Bendis's snarky dialogue seems to be toned down, although much like that relative that can't seem to speak appropriately around the kids at Christmas, it slips through here and there. Like that relative, he just can't help himself. I will give Bendis props for putting more story into each issue, even if we do get yet another breakfast table conversation segment. Those just never get old. Someday we'll all be reminiscing about the early aughts Avengers, and people will say “Man, remember all of those awesome breakfast table conversations”, just like they speak about the Kree-Skrull War and Roger Stern's run. -End sarcasm mode.-

The thing that makes Bendis' writing so palatable to so many is the fact that he is often paired with top artists, in this case Mike Deodato. My first exposure to Deodato was on Amazing Spider-Man on the Sins Past arc, and I thought that he was okay back then. He has continually improved and refined his craft to the point that I would rank him in the upper echelon of comic book artists. I'm talking Alex Ross good. This book would have been ranked a 2 if not for his brilliant artwork. 

The endless conversations between Luke Cage (Power Man) and Jessica Jones are tiring, with cringe-inducing “realistic” Bendis dialogue. Bendis writing “street” is such a joke. This Red Hulk nonsense also has to stop. What, is the Hulk so boring that these writers can't figure out a way to make him interesting? Do we really need a smart, commanding Red Hulk? It seems so DC to me.

Issues 25 and 26 don't feature a single Avenger in them. This is another Bendis hallmark, hijacking a title and inserting something else in it. This bulk of these issues take place in K'un Lun hundreds of years ago. The rest of issue 25 is one scene not involving The Avengers. Go Bendis! In issue 26 (and half off 27) we see Leonardo DaVinci working to repel the Phoenix Force. Yup, as in DaVinci Code Leonardo DaVinci. Yes, I realize how incredibly stupid this is. Issue 28 is pretty clever. I'm not going to spoil that one at all for you. Issue 29 is an Avengers Illuminati one-shot disguised as issue of Avengers. Lots of conversations in this issue. Daredevil shows up as an Avenger with no real explanation. It is assumed that you simply buy every Marvel title. This book has shown me how stupid the whole Avengers Vs. X-Men crossover and mini-series is. Thankfully I didn't waste my time or money on the $75 MSRP hardcover. Bendis' reign of terror on this title is almost over. Patience, grasshopper...

Junk Food For Thought rating: 3.25 out of 5.

The OCD zone- Typical Marvel Premiere Edition Hardcover, with the same production values that the format has to offer.

Paper rating: 4 out of 5. Coated stock with a slight sheen, perfect for modern coloring. The paper seems to be getting thinner as the prices on these Premiere Hardcovers keeps ticking upwards. Bad combination.

Binding rating: 4 out of 5. It's glued, but it's a thin hardcover, so it's no biggie. It's not like it's going to fall apart or anything. I normally lose sleep over books with glued binding, but not with these Premiere Hardcovers.

Review- NEW AVENGERS BY BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS VOL. 3

NEW AVENGERS BY BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS VOL. 3 (Marvel, 2012; Hardcover)

Collects New Avengers (Vol. 2) Nos. 16.1, 17-23 (cover dates November, 2011- May, 2012)

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis

Artists: Neal Adams and Tom Palmer (16.1), and Mike Deodato with Will Conrad (17-23)

Bendis is the luckiest son of a bitch on Earth. Never has so little talent gone so far. I mean, he gets to do an issue with Neal Adams?!? Come on! Adams and Palmer are Avengers royalty, having worked on countless classic issues way back when, and it's Bendis that gets to drag them into the 21^st century? 

Bendis writes fanboy tripe. Wong vs. Jarvis...that Bendis is SO witty.

Bendis has turned Norman Osborn into Lex Luthor, which is just stupid. Osborn is the Green Goblin and has always been a businessman, but for him to suddenly (and by suddenly I mean since Secret Invasion) be able to pull off capers of this caliber is silly. The New Avengers and The Dark Avengers are both stupid Bendis team names, but now we get The New Dark Avengers. Kill me. What's next? The Ultimate New Dark Avengers? Come on, man.

There are some pretty sweet battle scenes, which is where Deodato and Conrad shine. It is pretty lame how they tried to “cast” Tommy Lee Jones as Norman Osborn, though. Any time comic book artists try to “cast” actors by drawing their likeness it pisses me off. The artwork as a whole is what saves this book from getting a 1.5 rating, as Bendis' dialogue is terrible. I also dislike how Bendis has made being an Avenger meaningless. Spider-Man is on both Avengers teams and is a member of the FF, The Thing is doing double duty on The New Avengers and the FF, and now even Daredevil, the ultimate loner, is an Avenger. This is completely dumb and completely unbelievable. Thank Godzilla that Bendis' reign of terror is drawing to an end.

Junk Food For Thought rating: 2.75 out of 5.

The OCD zone- Typical Marvel Premiere Edition Hardcover, with the same production values, advantages and shortcomings that the format has to offer.

Paper rating: 5 out of 5. Nice thick coated stock, perfect for this material.

Binding rating: 4 out of 5. It's glued, but it's a thin hardcover, so it's no biggie. It's not like it's going to fall apart or anything. I normally lose sleep over books with glued binding, but not with these Premiere Hardcovers.

Review: The New Avengers Vol. 1

THE NEW AVENGERS VOL. 1 (Marvel, 2011; Hardcover)

Collects New Avengers (Vol. 2) Nos. 1-6 (cover dates August, 2010- January, 2011).
I know what you're thinking...wait, I already have New Avengers Vol. 1 Premiere Hardcover by Brian Michael Bendis. No you don't. See, this is the NEW New Avengers by Brian Michael Bendis Vol. 1 Premiere Hardcover. Confused yet? See, this series has undergone such a huge upheaval that it demanded a reboot...or not. This is another pointless reboot that reads much like the old New Avengers title. Bendis' 'witty' dialogue is nauseatingly bad here, with people interrupting each other and being smartasses. Because everyone is a smartass, right? And they all speak in 4-5 word sentences, right? Bendis is the Weezer of comic book writers, in that he writes everything in a "haha, see Rock/ superhero comics are stupid, but we/I am in on the joke. Aren't they stupid? People who like them are stupid, too, because we are so much smarter than you." Much like Weezer, Bendis doesn't really get it. You can inject humor into things without the fake irony.
The plot itself is not bad, but the dialogue kills it for me. Brother Voodoo as the Sorcerer Supreme is retarded, by the way. They call him Doctor Voodoo, as if becoming the Sorcerer Supreme would automatically make him a doctor. You see Bendis, Doctor Strange was a doctor before he became the Sorcerer Supreme. Hence, Doctor Strange. Brother Voodoo would still be called Brother Voodoo, not Doctor Voodoo. Then again, what do I know? I'm just not as smart as Bendis. 

Spider-Man and Wolverine being on one Avengers team was bad enough, but now they are on two. So Wolverine is in every X-Men title, every solo title, and two Avengers titles? Cripes. The Thing being an Avenger makes little sense and doesn't add much of anything to this title. I am glad that I followed this disappointing book with Secret Avengers Vol. 1. Just one issue of Brubaker goodness washed away 6 issues of Bendis mediocrity. I am done pre-ordering anything written by Brian Michael Bendis. I will wait for 1/2 off boxes at conventions or simply not read them at all. Worst comes to worst, my not ordering these will cause sales to plunge, maybe even to the point where Marvel will eject Bendis from the franchise. Maybe Marvel will cancel 2 or 3 of these Avengers titles. At the very least, I won't be paying top dollar to be underwhelmed time and again. It's a win-win situation as far as I can see.

Review: Siege- New Avengers; X-Necrosha

SIEGE: NEW AVENGERS (Marvel, 2010; Hardcover)
Collects Dark Reign: The List- New Avengers, New Avengers Nos. 61-64, New Avengers Annual No. 3 and New Avengers Finale (cover dates November, 2009- March, 2010).
This starts out strong...real strong. Yes, the 'witty' Brian Michael Bendis dialogue was present, but there was enough going on for me to consider this a satisfying read. New Avengers Annual No. 3 was great, and had beautiful artwork by Mike Mayhew. I am largely unfamiliar with his work but hope to see a lot more of it. He and Mike McKone (Artist, Issues 63 and 64) are the modern age's answer to John Romita, Sr. Solid, photo realistic artwork that hits all of the sweet spots for yours truly. I was having a good time reading these comic books until...just when I thought it was safe to like Bendis...there he goes again. The last several pages of the New Avengers Finale were nothing more than a series of pointless double page spreads that did nothing to further the story. They were almost as bad as the last few pages of Secret Invasion era Bendis where Hank Pym was riding in the car and they were telling him everything that had happened in his absence. So yeah, Bendis still sucks...sort of. 

X-NECROSHA (Marvel, 2010; Hardcover)
Collects Necrosha: The Gathering, New X-Men No. 32, New Mutants Nos. 6-8, X-Force No. 11, 21-25, X-Force/ New Mutants: Necrosha, X-Men Legacy Nos. 231-234 and material from X-Force Annual No. 1 (cover dates January, 2007- May, 2010).
This is a clusterphuck of continuity-defying, Blackest Night riffing nonsense. Let's bring back all of the dead characters! Horrible. Even Clayton Crain's beautiful artwork on X-Force couldn't maintain my interest or save this story arc. I wanted out even faster than the characters in the story. I no longer know these X-Men, and worse still, I no longer care. Everyone has been killed and brought back to life so many times that none of it means anything anymore. I am done with all of these ancillary X-titles and events and am sticking with Uncanny X-Men only from here on out. I have to be honest, though, the next time I sit down and read a stretch of that title will determine if I stick with even the flagship title any more. It breaks my heart to say this, but I don't like the X-Men anymore. The X-Men of the '70s and '80s are some of my favorite comic books ever published, but any more? It doesn't seem to matter, and that makes me sad.