Sunday, September 27, 2015

Review- DEADMAN: BOOK FOUR



DEADMAN: BOOK FOUR (DC, First Printing, 2014; Softcover)

Collects the Deadman stories from DC Special Series #8, Adventure Comics #459-466, DC Comics Presents #24, and DC Super-Stars # 8 (cover dates October, 1978- August, 1980)

Writers: Len Wein, Bob Haney, and Gerry Conway
Artists: Jim Aparo, Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez, with inking by Ric Estrada, Dick Giordano, and Frank Chiaramonte

I really enjoy DC's macabre-tinged superheroes like Deadman. For those of you unfamiliar with the character, he is Boston Brand, famed circus acrobat who was murdered and given a second chance by Rama Kushna to balance the scales between good and evil by possessing people's bodies to fight for justice. It's a concept that is simple yet has many nuances to it. I especially enjoy Deadman's plight, the alienation aspect of it. No one can see or hear him unless he possesses someone's body.



The first story in this book (DC Special Series #8) is silly. The rest of the stories collected in this book are great. Great writing by Len Wein with great artwork by Jim Aparo and Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez. Adventure Comics #464-466 are my favorites, with Deadman facing off against a rogue member of Psi-Lab One, S.T.A.R. Laboratories' division of paranormal abilities. The team use a seance to summon Deadman to battle what they believe to be a poltergeist. No spoilers here, even on comic books that are 35+ years old.

The string of omissions continues in this line of books. I assume that the point of this line was to collect all of the character's pre-Crisis On Infinite Earth appearances. Previous volumes have omitted Justice League Of America #94, and Forever People #9 and 10. Looking ahead, Challengers Of The Unknown #84 is omitted from Book Five in this line, which is insane since it is the first part of a four part storyline, parts two through four of which are collected in that book! Appearances which are also omitted from Book Five include Detective Comics #500, Batman #337 and 339, and Swamp Thing Annual #2.



DC's Collected Editions Department is lost. Mind you, I compiled this list using the Internet. It took less than five seconds to map out all of the character's appearances in chronological order. I can't believe that the editors who work for DC are so clueless that they don't know how to do this. DC needs to find someone who knows this material and cares enough about the end product to make things complete. I am available...
Junk Food For Thought rating: 4.25 out of 5.



The OCD zone- It would be nice if DC cared enough about their material to provide extras. Extras like the original cover to the story that wound up as Adventure Comics #464 which was intended to be Showcase #105. That story was shortened from 25 pages to 22, and they could have included the pages that were dropped...but they didn't.





Linework and Color restoration: Most of the linework is excellent, with a handful of pages being off. The coloring...sigh. While the color palette is faithful to the original comics for the most part it is the horrid gradient shade blending which kills it for me. The airbursh appearance looks harsh and completely inappropriate for material of this vintage.
Paper stock: Bright white glossy coated stock. DC can't figure it out. They either use cheap pulp paper or this stuff for their classic material. They should use the stock that Marvel uses for their classic material. This glossy stuff is what Marvel used ten years ago before they figured out that it didn't work.
Binding: Perfect bound trade paperback.
Cardstock cover notes: Laminated cardstock cover.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Review- BATMAN: KNIGHTFALL VOL. 3- KNIGHTSEND


BATMAN: KNIGHTFALL VOL. 3- KNIGHTSEND (DC, Third Printing, 2013; Softcover)

Collects Batman #509, 510, 512-514, Catwoman #12, 13, Detective Comics #676, 677, 679-681, Robin #8, 9, 11-13, Batman: Legends Of The Dark Knight #62, 63, and Batman: Shadow Of The Bat #29, 30, 32-34 (cover dates July, 1994- January, 1995)

Writers: Doug Moench, Alan Grant, Chuck Dixon, Jo Duffy, and Denny O'Neil

Artists: Pencilers (*also inkers)- Mike Manley, Bret Blevins*, Graham Nolan, Ron Wagner, Tom Grummett, Jim Balent, Joe Rubinstein*, Barry Kitson, Mike Vosburg, Mike Gustovitch*, Romeo Tanghal*, Lee Weeks, Phil Jimenez*, MD Bright, and John Cleary

Inkers- Dick Giordano, Bob Smith, Scott Hanna, Ron McCain, Ray Kryssing, Rick Burchett, Mike Manley, John Stokes, and Klaus Janson

Christ on a stick, would it have killed DC to do a complete run in any of their books? Did they have to omit the Zero Hour crossover which ran across the titles? They included one issue from it in this book while omitting the rest. Between this and the omitted issues from Vol. 2 it is apparent that DC will forever be second to Marvel's Collected Editions department. DC used to lead, and indeed helped define, this market segment but in the past decade became complacent. Marvel upped their game and raised the bar, leaving DC in the dust. All of the people who helped to build DC's collected editions department have long since left, leaving the clueless buffoons we have now running the show


This book starts out with the Knightsend crossover which ran across twelve comics. In that arc we see Bruce Wayne ready himself to return and resume the mantle of Batman. The problem is that his chosen successor, Jean Paul Valley (Azrael) is mentally unstable and is unwilling to give it up so easily. So Bruce Wayne has to defeat him in a pitched battle that requires not one, but two Aftermath issues to wrap things up. It is disgusting that this arc required folks to buy so many different titles in order to get the complete story. That is everything that is wrong with this industry. They should just slap a label on the cover reading ATTENTION COMIC FANS: We think that you are stupid sheep and will buy any and every piece of swill that we shovel at you.

The next arc is Prodigal. Bruce Wayne is not yet ready to resume his role as Batman, and picks Robin (Dick Grayson) to be the new Batman. The real Robin, not to be confused with the then-current Robin (Tim Drake, the third one). I used to spit at DC because of these multiple identities but Marvel has followed suit in the past decade, making me spit at them just as much. Ridiculous. At least this arc shows some true character development for Dick Grayson, as he regains his confidence while battle Killer Croc and Two-Face. Bruce Wayne returns at Batman on the final page of this twelve issue arc. He is wearing an all black costume reminiscent of the 1989 movie.


The writing and artwork are all good to very good, depending. While it is easy to lump in all '90s comics in together I think that DC was doing better superhero stuff than Marvel at this point in time. These three Knightfall books were an enjoyable line marred by DC's omissions. I would love to see DC go head to head with Marvel and do a chunky line of full color trade paperbacks which will eventually collect everything. These 600-650 page beasts are a good place to start.
Junk Food For Thought rating: 4.5 out of 5.

The OCD zone- I love thick chunky trade paperbacks of complete runs.

Linework and Color restoration: Things look good overall. The linework is tight and clean. The original color palette is maintained if certain liberties are taken where the original gradient blends are.

Paper stock: The paper stock is slightly thicker than the cheap paper that DC uses in most of their collections of classic material. It looks like real pulp comic paper, which is nice, but I don't know how well it will hold up over time. Then again, a recent trip to John King Books in Detroit showed me how durable paper can be. I was flipping through books that were 70 plus years old and the paper was solid if browned.

Binding: Perfect bound trade paperback.

Cardstock cover notes: Laminated cardstock cover.

Monday, September 21, 2015

Review- LEONARD STARR'S MARY PERKINS ON STAGE VOL. 7



LEONARD STARR'S MARY PERKINS ON STAGE VOL. 7 (Classic Comics Press, 2010; Softcover)

Collects Mary Perkins On Stage strips originally published on October 12, 1964- May 4, 1966

Writer and Artist: Leonard Starr

I am under Leonard Starr's spell. While there are definite start and stopping points for arcs this book was difficult to put down. I will be intentionally vague with this, as I don't want to reveal anything. I am all about the joy of discovery. The book starts out with a twisting turning journey behind the Iron Curtain, as Mary and Pete fall victim to subterfuge at the hands of Major Grigori Volkov and Morgana D'Alexius, who isn't ready to let Pete Fletcher go quite yet. She isn't one to let something silly like, say, marriage stand in her way, either.



The next arc deals with Constance Heath, Mary's old drama coach. She is getting on in years and has never managed to settle down. While she would be called a cougar in today's vernacular, back then her cavorting with a younger man was a taboo. After that Mary whisks away to Bermuda to film The Tempest. We see the return of Maximus, The Man With The Plastic Face, and we find out the origin of his face at last.



Then we find a doppelganger for Jim Nabors (who played Gomer Pyle) by way of Claude Harper (as Gopher in Corncob Corners). Harper takes a role on Broadway to fulfill a promise he made to the girl he loves. Trouble starts when Mary's co-star, playboy Rod Damian, enters the picture. I'll say no more.

The final arc this time out is one that was ripped right out of the headlines: The Viet Nam War. Pete Fletcher is sent on a photo assignment to Viet Nam, although things get a bit sticky once he gets there. Like most of the arcs in this book, subterfuge is a recurring theme. I wonder what caused Starr to recycle the themes of deception and betrayal during this era.



Brilliantly written and beautifully drawn, Leonard Starr's Mary Perkins On Stage is a fine example of the potential of the medium of comic books and comic strips. I am dead serious folks, drop those endless crossover Marvel and DC Comics that do nothing but annoy you and bleed your wallet dry and do yourselves a favor and pick up this title. You can thank me later.
Junk Food For Thought rating: 5 out of 5.

The OCD zone- Like most strip books, this is presented in landscape format.
The Sundays are presented here in black and white. They were originally printed in color.
Linework restoration: Excellent throughout with only one or two iffy looking strips.
Paper stock: Uncoated stock paper.
Binding: Perfect bound trade paperback.
Cardstock cover notes: Cardstock coating has a matte coating that is resistant to scuffing.

Friday, September 18, 2015

Review- THE ORIGINAL GHOST RIDER VOL. 1



THE ORIGINAL GHOST RIDER VOL. 1 (Canton Street Press, First Printing, 2015; Hardcover)

Collects Ghost Rider #1-5 and the Ghost Rider stories from Tim Holt #11-14 (cover dates December, 1949- 1951)
Writers: Raymond Krank and Gardner Fox
Artists: Dick Ayers, Frank Frazetta (covers), C.W. Winter (The Saga Of Sage Brush Sam gag strip in #1), and Howard Larson (one page back-up strip in #1)

I have dreamed of seeing this run collected for years, and it's finally a reality. While this has a macabre appearing hero and has occasional Horror-esque overtones this is by and large not a Horror comic at all. It instead plays like an amped up Western with a superhero in a cool costume taking center stage.



Gardner Fox writes all of the stories except for the character's first appearance in Tim Holt #11 and the two back-up strips in the first issue of the series proper. Dick Ayers does all of the interior art and some of the covers, arguably doing the best work of his career. He seriously cooks here!



This being sixty five years ago, there are some things that may offend the more politically correct modern day reader, such as Ghost Rider's partner (while in his civilian identity as Rex Fury) Sing-Song, an Asian stereotype, from the broken English, buck teeth, right on down to his vocation (doing laundry). People have to understand that things were different back when these comic books were originally published, and that while the portrayal of the character isn't the best he is treated respectfully and not as the comic relief that many stereotype sidekicks were during this era of comic books. Native Americans are also depicted in all of their “savage” glory, although it should be noted that it is nearly always the white man who is the villain in these stories.



While there is no real continuity from one story to the next and they are at times formulaic and predictable they are also all highly enjoyable. There are many times where I prefer escapist comic books like this to any “cerebral” comic books published today. If anything they seem more believable to me because they are not trying so hard to be smart. I hope that this book sells well enough to get future volumes collecting the full run of this title as well as his appearances as a back up strip in other 1950s comics. Fingers crossed!
Junk Food For Thought rating: 4.75 out of 5.

The OCD zone- The stories from the Tim Holt issues are collected in the back even though they came out first. They are presented here as extras since the core series had a different vibe. I read them first because I am all about completism and chronological publishing order.
Linework and Color restoration: High resolution scans of original comic books, cleaned up with Photoshop. The pros of this method of restoration is that you see the comic books as they were originally published. The cons of this method are that you see the comic books as they were originally published, warts and all. Off register colors, line bleed, murky printing due to the primitive four color printing presses of the day.
Collected edition fans seem to be split into three camps: One who want to see everything mentioned above, warts and all scans. The second want to see this material properly remastered, with the material recolored using the original color palette while fixing errors like off register printing. The third camp is the undecided one, those who can appreciate both methods.
Paper stock: Incredibly thick coated stock with a slight sheen. This paper stock is thicker than anything found in any Archive-style book by Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, etc.
Binding: Smyth sewn binding with a rounded casing. This book lays completely flat from the first page to the last.
Hardback cover notes: Laminated casewrap. This is some thick lamination and is resistant to scuffs. If you handle your books like the Samsonite gorilla then you might have some problems with it. The other 99.9% of readers will enjoy a lifetime of durable reading with this book. 

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Review- TWILIGHT



TWILIGHT (DC, First Printing, 2014; Softcover)

Collects Twilight #1-3 (cover dates December, 1990- February, 1991)

Writer: Howard Chaykin

Artist: Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez

Colorist: Steve Oliff

There are two ways that I read comic books. First, I read it as entertainment in the here and now. Second, I try to keep in mind the era which the material was originally published. Context can make me forgive certain things. Watchmen kicked open the floodgates for Mature Readers comics. While there were certainly things going on in the 1970s and early 1980s it was the critical mass and popularity of that title that made it really happen. DC ushered in the “Prestige format” for comics, 48 page squarebound comics with cardstock covers printed on glossy coated stock paper and utilizing more sophisticated colors than those found in the pulp paper comics of the day. These comics did not adhere to the Comics Code Authority, thus allowing creators to indulge in every whim that had been denied to them up until that point in time. Cursing, excessive violence, sexual situations...nothing was off the table so long as it was artfully done. Again, context of the era. What was once cutting edge and creative becomes strip-mined and pedestrian. This might have been mind blowing 25 years ago but it is a chore to read in 2015.




Twilight utilizes some lesser known DC heroes and launches them into a separate continuity, and this automatically relegates it to a Watchmen knockoff in my mind. This is super dense, text heavy reading. While I am not a fan of decompression, this is overwritten and overwrought and was as much fun to read as chewing chalk. This is passed off as intelligent writing but it is more of a verbal jerkoff. Chaykin tries to be clever but comes off as labored and too self aware to pull it off. He muses on immortality, religion, godhood, sexuality, and human nature, all in one long, droning puke. If not for Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez's artwork this book would have been a completely lost cause. This book has caused me to once again reevaluate which books I purchase and why. I simply don't hate my money this much.
Junk Food For Thought rating: 1 out of 5.

The OCD zone

Linework and Color restoration: I am fairly certain that these are scans of the original comics, as there several spots where line bleed is present. The airbrush coloring of the day would be extremely difficult to replicate, so this might have been the safest route.

Paper stock: Glossy coated stock.

Binding: Perfect bound trade paperback.

Cardstock cover notes: Laminated cardstock cover.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Review- AVENGERS: HEART OF STONE



AVENGERS: HEART OF STONE (Marvel, First Printing, 2013; Softcover)

Collects Avengers #188-196 and Avengers Annual #9 (cover dates October, 1979- June, 1980)

Writers: David Michelinie, Bill Mantlo, Jim Shooter, Steven Grant, Mark Gruenwald, Roger Stern, Pittsburgh Comix Club (plot assist #193)

Artists: Pencilers- John Byrne #188-191), Arvell Jones (#192), Sal Buscema (#193), and George Perez (#194-196), and Don Newton (Annual #9)

Inkers- Dan Green (#188-191, 193, 195, 196), Ricardo Villamonte (#192), Joe Rubinstein (#194, Annual #9), Jack Abel, and Frank Springer

My God I miss Marvel Comics. I mean real Marvel, not that fan fiction garbage being passed off on folks today with a Marvel logo on the cover. Things start out with a bang and there isn't a second to catch your breath until the book is over. I had #188 as a cheap-o back issue in the mid '80s and it held up very well all these years later. While en route from Attilan (home of The Inhumans) The Avengers seek permission to cross Soviet airspace. These comics were originally published during the Cold War, so starting an international incident or nuclear war with the Russians was the last thing that The Avengers wanted to do. When a Russian fighter jet flying next to their Quinjet gets blown up they vote to set down to help out at the site of a nuclear reactor, where they encounter beings who have taken over a nuclear power plant. Their powers are elemental in nature, and their powers match their names: Vanadium, Phosphorus, Cobalt, and Chlorine. 

The Avengers' roster at this time is Captain America, the Beast, Wonder Man, the Wasp, the Scarlet Witch, the Falcon, and Ms. Marvel. The elemental monsters want to make an army like them and are using the nuclear reactor to make that a reality but are stopped, all of this being done in one issue, eighteen pages of story. This would have been a six issue arc if it were made in the past dozen or so years.



Next is Annual #9, where the team discovers a terror living in an unknown subbasement of Avengers Mansion named Arsenal. Mild spoilers, folks- it was a robot created by Howard Stark and set to activate at a certain frequency as a fail safe in case the United States fell in World War II. This extra long tale features an extra large cast of Avengers, with Hawkeye, Iron Man, Yellowjacket, Thor, and the Vision returning to the team for this story. Thor departs at the beginning of #189, as does Wonder Man and Hawkeye. That sets the stage for the issue, as it is largely a solo Hawkeye tale. Hawkeye answers a want ad in a newspaper for head of security as Cross Technological Enterprises. Cross has been having a series of break ins and they need a head of security to stave off a series of bizarre break-ins. This led to a battle with Deathbird, later revealed to be a part of the Shi'Ar Empire over in The Uncanny X-Men.

#190 and 191 see the team, now consisting of Iron Man, Captain America, the Beast, the Vision, the Scarlet Witch, the Falcon, and Ms. Marvel, involved in a legal battle with Government liaison Henry Peter Gyrich. Gyrich is trying to hamper the team with procedures and red tape, albeit with the best of intentions for the American public. It is during the proceedings that a creature of some sort attacks the city and The Avengers are called into action. After a seemingly brief fight the creature is revealed to be a shell, and inside that shell is the Grey Gargoyle. This being a legal proceeding of course means that Matt Murdock is there, and once the fur starts flying he goes into action as Daredevil. The Grey Gargoyle gives the team a run for their money, and the Falcon comes into his own as a teammate. This was an underlying subplot throughout the book thus far, as Gyrich demanded that the team include all races on their roster. This would be the dawn of Affirmative Action, and both the team and the Falcon resent his token status. This is all presented in much the same manor as the equal rights for women on the team segments are, as underlying subplots, not the main focus of the series. Character development and occurrences, not calculated hype and soapboxing at the expense of the story. Modern writers should take note.

Bendis would have milked this panel for an entire issue. Hell, he DID. 


#192 and 193 are a two part fill-in issue, picking up a stray plotline from a Thor comic in the 1960s. Solid, entertaining stuff that moves the overall story forward. The Falcon leaves in #194 and the stage is set for an epic three parter. A man named Selbe escapes from an insane asylum, arriving at Avengers Mansion and pleads with The Avengers to help him. When two orderlies with paperwork show up they release him to them and things seem fine for everyone except for the Wasp, who believes his story that they are trying to kill him. At the end of the issue she has vanished and the team realizes where she went.

This leads us to #195, where The Avengers are staking out the Solomon Institute in Southampton, Long Island. They decided to try and be sneaky and send in Yellowjacket and Ant-Man (II, the Scott Lang one) to do some reconnaissance and try to rescue the Wasp. Things are not what they seem here at the Solomon Institute. Indeed, it is not an insane asylum at all but a training compound for freelance criminals. The head of the institute reveals himself after defeating Yellowjacket and Ant-Man “off screen” on the final page of the issue: The Taskmaster!

Yesiree bob, the Taskmaster! I was one lucky little sonuvabitch, as I bought #196 off of the stands in one of those Marvel three packs at the long-defunct Farmer Jack grocery store chain in March of 1980. Do you remember those? Comic books were 40 cents at the time but were three for 99 cents in those bags. You had to play with the bag to see what the comic in the middle was. I remember Spider-Woman #27 being one of the other two but I did a search of all Marvel Comics with a June, 1980 cover date and came up drawing a blank for the third. Nothing could compare to the sheer majesty of Avengers #196. That cover just killed me a six year old kid (I turned seven a few months later), and it honestly still does.

What freedom loving, red-blooded American male wouldn't buy this comic book?


This team of Avengers were badass and blew my mind as a child. Iron Man, Captain America, the Beast, the Vision, Wonder Man, Jocasta, and Ms. Marvel. I thrilled at the way that the Taskmaster recounted his origin to the team before he fought them, talking about his mutant power of Photographic Reflexes, where he can perform anything that he sees to perfection. He gives the team a sound thrashing before Jocasta comes in and gives the team the breathing room that they need to regroup and form a plan of attack. Not wanting to try his luck against the full might of The Avengers plus Yellowjacket, Ant-Man, and the Wasp, Taskmaster chooses the better part of valor and flees.



I did not know at that time that this was the first full appearance of the character (he appeared on the final page of #195). I also did not know at the time that the artwork was by George Perez, who was one of the best comic book pencilers of the day, if not all time. All that I knew was that this issue totally rocked and I wanted more more more! Alas, my family was poor and my comic buying was intermittent in those days. We had no cable television and rarely went to movies. I must have read that comic book until it disintegrated. I replaced it with a back issue copy in the 1980s. I still got a rush reading that issue along with every other one collected in this book. Your modern day Avengers might sit around breakfast tables having endless conversations and occasionally save the day. My old school Avengers save the day every single issue and kick butt. Make mine (old) Marvel!
Junk Food For Thought rating: 5 out of 5.

The OCD zone- Methinks that this was prepped for a Marvel Premiere Classic hardcover and was slapped into a softcover when that line was scuttled.

#188 and 189 were reprinted in the black and white Nights Of Wundagore trade paperback, which I had and dumped years ago when the full color trade of the same name came out. Double dips are fun! Kill me now!

#194-196 are also double dips, as they were collected in the Avengers Visionaries: George Perez trade paperback. I gave that one to my son when this book was released because I want him to know that The Avengers rule. I remember flipping through one of Bendis' New Avengers hardcovers when he was 3 or 4 and he said “Daddy, they're not doing anything. They are just sitting around talking.” I told him I know, son. I know...

Linework and Color restoration: Very very good overall. I am certain that when this material receives the Marvel Masterworks treatment in a few years that things will be tightened up here and there. Most people won't notice but the trained eye will be able to spot differences. The original color palette is faithfully maintained.

Paper stock: Off white matte coated stock. This is the same stock found in softcover Masterworks, Classic line trades, and Epic line trades. It is my favorite paper stock for comics with flat coloring.

Binding: Perfect bound trade paperback.

Cardstock cover notes: Laminated cardstock cover.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Review- The Orbit Magazine Anthology: Re-Entry



The Orbit Magazine Anthology: Re-Entry (Painted Turtle/ Wayne State University Press, 2015)

Ask Baby Jingo was a regular feature where readers would ask questions and Jingo, the world's smartest baby, would answer them. 


Orbit was a free monthly tabloid-sized magazine that was published in Detroit during the 1990s. Once a month I scoured record stores for the new issue. Back in a pre-Internet world young people picked up the free rags like this to see what bands were coming to town. And while I also picked up The Metro Times every week, it was not as fun to read. Orbit was a party on paper month in and month out. The reviews pulled no punches and kissed no ass, an aesthetic that I have feebly tried to emulate in this here blog. My friend was in graduate school at the University of Chicago in the mid-90s, and I would clip out the best parts of Orbit and mail them to him and he would do the same with the local Chicago rag, The Onion. We both felt that Orbit was superior, because it was.



This book is and isn't the story of Jerry Vile. He spearheaded the Punk magazine White Noise in 1979-1980 and Fun, which was more of a direct precursor to Orbit that ran from 1986-1990. The zany humor was already in place in Fun. I especially enjoyed the Melvindale Community College faux brochure since I grew up near that armpit of a town. Also highly recommended is The Telltale Signs Of Teenage Drug Addiction. It was skit articles like this where the writers really shined.

An excerpt from The Telltale Signs Of Teenage Drug Addiction.


Long before the movie made veiled jokes, Orbit uncovered the terrible, terrible secrets of the television series.


Orbit launched in 1990 using space-age computers to do then-innovative layout and design. While the number of typos found in the scanned articles are numerous, bear in mind that this was done on primitive word processors in the days before sorcery like spell check existed. The people who did reviews for Orbit had good taste, and my friends and I would often check a movie out if they gave it a good rating. The cynical bastards who did reviews for Orbit would rip apart big budget fare long before the Internet made such things the national pastime, and we loved them for it. I laughed my ass off when Orbit gave Pearl Jam's Vs. a big fat 0, as I hated Pearl Jam with every fiber of my being back then, believing that they were everything wrong with music. And they were. Still are, really. Seeing this review again brought a smile to my face. I really wish that I had thought to save all of my Orbits.

I always loved Orbit's hype blurbs for concerts. Most rags talk about how great said band is. Not Orbit.

The Eagles have been a blemish on humanity for decades. I remember spitting venom at this money-grubbing reunion tour back then too. Thank The Eagles if you enjoy spending triple digits on concert tickets, because they and Barbara Streisand proved that people were stupid enough to pay it. Die, Eagles, die!!!



Orbit predicted Quentin Tarantino's success right out of the gate, giving him his first magazine cover and he returned the favor by featuring an Orbit T-shirt in Pulp Fiction. Orbit also predicted the success of Kid Rock and Insane Clown Posse as well as giving space to Eminem and The White Stripes. I really enjoyed their coverage of all of the local bands on the scene from the fall of 1998 in Now Playing In Detroit!, seeing listings of The Go, The White Stripes, Rocket 455, and all of the other bands that would define an era.

Jack White and Eminem, pre-fame.

The White Stripes, pre-first album.



Jerry Vile co-launched Real Detroit Weekly as he killed off Orbit, and it was basically a big fat tabloid of advertisements with ass-kissing write ups about events coming to town. I picked it up every week as I needed stuff to read on the toilet but the demise of Orbit left a hole in my heart which was already three sizes too small. The mythological final issue, which never made it to stores around where I lived at the time, does indeed exist as proven by scans of the cover and numerous interior pages in this book.

The following are from Orbit's holiday gift guide.




Word of this book started circulating a year or two ago, and I eagerly awaited any and all news of it. Author Robert St. Mary launched a Patronicity crowdsource funding page and I immediately plunked down money for it. The total needed to make the book happen was looking iffy as the deadline approached and then Kid Rock swooped in and saved the day. I am not much of a Kid Rock fan to be honest with you but he helped make this book happen so he is all right by me.




I have one quibble with this book. The skit article There Is No Iowa was not included in this 272 page tome. I remember hyperventilating when I read that article for the first time, it was so hysterical. I laughed and wheezed and cried. I have scoured the Internet in vain looking for a scan of it, but Orbit sadly existed before the world of scanners and most copies are sitting in landfills. The magazine did have the first website for a publication in Detroit, though, so who knows. Someone somewhere may have it stored on some floppy disc.



While I would never insult real writers by claiming to be one myself, let's say that for a minute I am a writer. If I, as a “writer” had a number one influence, it would be Orbit. The writing really informed me in terms of how to make a review fun instead of a sell out fluff piece or, worse yet, some rote book report style. But like I said, I'm not a real writer...not like those cats who got their work published in the prestigious pages of Orbit. I would be all over additional books of scans of Orbit. Hopefully this book sells enough to make author Robert St. Mary want to do that.
Junk Food For Thought rating: 5 out of 5.

Yes, that's right. Kris Shaw. My name IN PRINT. Who says that money can't buy happiness?


The OCD zone- This is the part where I go into tactile sensations of physical media. Those with heart conditions, high blood pressure, or women who are pregnant should exit my blog at their earliest convenience, as their safety cannot be guaranteed.
Paper stock: Thick coated stock with a slight sheen. This is coffee table book material, folks.
Binding: Sewn binding. The weight of the book block, combined with the size of the book, give the book a floppy feel...kind of like a tabloid size newspaper!
Cardstock cover notes: Matte finish which is resistant to scuffing. Should look handsome with repeated handling, and believe me, this book will be picked up often in my house.



For those of you still reading, here is a little something that I whipped up after reading this book. Consider this my love letter to Orbit...

A flash of inspiration just hit me like a lightning bolt, the answer to all of my dreams and my ticket to a life of wealth and comfort for my family.

THE INCONVENIENCE STORE

Everything in this world has become easy and convenient, but what if my proposed chain of stores, independently owned and operated franchises with no unifying theme or decor, could undo that sameness that makes all chains lame and boring?

Imagine a store that carries only the brands that are unpopular. RC Cola. Zero Bars. Ketchup flavor potato chips. Imagine a cash register that only accepts cash, or cannot accept a bill larger than a five. Or doesn't have pennies. Or won't accept EBT. All varying from one location to the next.

Parking? Forgettabout it! THE INCONVENIENCE STORE ain't got no time for that! Located on the second floor or basement of buildings in densely populated cities with no dedicated parking or ease of access to mass transit, THE INCONVENIENCE STORE won't even make getting there easy!

Customer service? Not a chance. Rude clerks playing with their phone and updating their Facebook/Twitter/Instagram are the order of the day, babe. Cashiers with no knowledge of the layout of the store or even what items are stocked.

Merchandising? THE INCONVENIENCE STORE will have no unifying layout from one day to the next. Mallo Cups will sit next to cheap Chinese knockoff Minecraft toys on the shelf one day and be on opposite ends of the store the next. Rhyme or reason are out the window!

THE INCONVENIENCE STORE will carry it's mission into cyberspace too, as it's website will have a cluttered, confusing layout without a Store Locator as well as an app for your smartphone which will be on at all times, killing your battery.

THE INCONVENIENCE STORE...coming to a neighborhood nowhere near you!